Hazy Monday in Malaysia

Every year those who live in Malaysia and Singapore would somehow have to live through a 4- to 6-month period of haze. An age-old issue that has never seemed to be solved, is believed to be caused by the forest fires in Indonesia. Woke up this morning, I looked out the window to see hardly anything but a grey shade hovering my daily scenery. Telekom building is now a blurry silhouette and Mid Valley has disappeared!

It looks really cool and misty on photograph, but the strong smell of smoke lingering in the back of your throat will bring you back to the cruel reality. There is nothing we can do if these farmers don't stop thoughtless burning. Just drink more water, perhaps wear a mask even when at home, AND do a rain dance!

What a Great Earth Hour Advertising Gimmick

On 28th March 2009, right before 8.30pm, I heard this screeching voice of a woman shouted at our apartment block: "Hey everyone, turn off your lights for 1 hour to support Earth Hour! Do your part for the environment please!"

3 minutes later, she shouted very rudely again: "Hey turn off your lights you stupid people!" and it sounded like she was going to punch anyone who does not obey.

This, is a very IMPORTANT day for these - I believe - new "earth lovers" who got converted after being brain-washed by the biggest pretence amongst the environmental organisations, who now suddenly became nobles! Ambassadors! Spokesmen and spokeswomen!

Doesn't that just make you (and I), who have probably been trying to live a sustainable life for the past 15 years, want to slap her? I am not against turning lights off when not in use, nor would I keep the lights on just because this woman disgusted me. If she thinks by conforming to the Earth Hour symbolic act makes her a noble person, by all means go ahead and do so (probably just for that 1 hour in her whole life time!). But do not blindly judge other people just because they cannot think for themselves and need to be told what to do by commercialism. As if I don't know that she is one of those who: ask for extra plastic bags when she goes shopping; own an "I'm Not A Plastic Bag" designer's bag; leave their extra TV in the bedroom on standby all night; and drive to the local shop just down the road for a bottle of water. I'm pretty sure she also keeps a fancy note pad for writing phone messages and shopping lists on! And they've got the cheek to talk to me who does not even own a TV, radio, stereo, or washing machine! (Yes I still hand wash my clothes, beat that!)

I remember more than a decade ago, I was called the bitch, the witch, the crazy woman, the rubbish woman, etc., for urging people around me to reduce paper consumption, to avoid buying into too much packaging, to use fewer plastic bags when doing their shopping. And now these bunch of hillbillies are telling me off for not subordinating to a gimmicky stunt pulled by a so-called environmental organisation who did no real good for the earth.

I can rest assure that they will come questioning you the next morning, just to check if you obeyed. If you did not, they will pull a disgusted face and judge you because, after all, disobeying an advertising message is a serious crime in the 21st century.

So, how would this historical event change these newly converts' lives? Ah yes... after turning the lights off for 1 mere hour, they shall go back to leaving their 2nd and 3rd TVs on standby mode all night, for the rest of their lives. That very hour, technically, might have saved SOME energy (if you exclude the energy used for all those theme concerts and live performances everywhere, using microphones, amplifiers and loud speakers), but has it taught these dumbed down earthlings anything about sustainability? I surely hope so.

I totally agree with what Mr Marcus said about the whole commercialism-in-disguise in Malaysia Star Online: people would just buy in to any publicity stunt. I know for a fact that people need something to believe in, and notions which assure them that their trivial act will be seen as trendy and cool nobility by others. Let's face it, peer pressure is powerful; and humans need to feel good about what they do - even just for that one hour in their entire life.

Oh and don't forget: what is there to boast about, if they were to just hand wash their clothes (so uncool)? It's nothing compared to being a part of such a remarkable day, that marks the history of human unkind!

My hats off to a successful marketing and advertising stunt campaign. Bravo guys!

Fireworks: a commercialism hoax

Someone asked me: "Oh did you watch the fireworks last night? It was AWWWWWSOME! Soooooo beautiful! Uh... you didn't? But why? Don't you celebrate the Independence Day?" 

I often do not know what to say to these people, especially when they are supposedly my "friends". I do try and give a very diplomatic answer in a very polite way, not saying anything about how meaningless and environmentally unfriendly fireworks are, which they definitely have no freaking idea what the hell I am on about. So you'll see me coming up with fake reasons like:"Oh I can't see it from my window", or "I was so tired I fell asleep", etc.

What I've always wanted to ask them back is: what does all these mean to them? Oh look, boom: a red flash; boom: a blue one; and boom: another red! Then what? Tons of carbon dioxide and left behind rubbish to be cleaned up, plus money wasted on burning gun powder and chemicals away. Now... did anyone benefit from anything at all? Oh yes, the fireworks suppliers. But the country did not become a better place due to that colourful event you've just witnessed; none of the current political, environmental, or whatsoever issues in the country has been solved just because somebody burnt some bloody fireworks!

There are many more useful and memorable ways and things to do to celebrate an Independence Day, or Christmas, or New Year's Eve. These people need to wake up and realise that all these colourful lights in the sky are just a hoax in the whole commercialism game. The big players know darn well that these poor earthlings need something intangible to hold on to: a notion, a lie that is painted beautifully; a "celebration" that means nothing to them, but merely an excuse to get dressed and get drunk, and be part of the "in" trend whilst comparing notes on those cheesy TV commercials with a pretentious Independence Day theme. 

I'm still tempted to ask: what does all these mean to them? But honestly, I don't want to know the answer. It's too scary, and sad. It won't be long before the world become the one in Idiocracy.

Public Transport in Malaysia

As much as I despise the lifeless living in Singapore, I have to admit that their public transport system is near flawless. You can argue that the country is tiny, hence easy to plan and control; but it doesn't give anyone any reason to operate their public transport service horrendously bad just because it is bigger!

I have now been stuck in Kuala Lumpur for 3 months. Having sold my old car before I left the country years ago, I now have to depend on various public transport to get around the city. And what can I say? NOTHING HAS CHANGED!

Thanks to the heritage of my earthling foster family, I am temporarily (hopefully, fingers-crossed!) residing in a God-forsaken place where I have to take 4 different public transports just to get to work (the same applies to getting home): bus-train-train-bus! There are at least 6 hours spent on travelling everyday, and it's far worse than getting the bus from Southampton to Derby!

Why? You may ask.

Of course, the residential area being inaccessible is one reason and that is an inevitable fact; but these public transports are not well-connected or well-organised is the real problem. Take Rapid KL, the first part of my travel quadrilogy, a bus service I have to take to get to the nearest train station. Given the name, one would imagine it being bloody good in its service but I would call it Rabies KL if I can. This is one of those bus services in the world that do not run according to schedule. If the bus gets here, it gets here; if it doesn't, you have to wait. You'll never know when you'll get to board the bus. Even if the bus does come to your stop, especially if it is the terminal, you really have to wait. The driver will wait till the bus is full, and till he has collected what he considers enough of bus fare for the trip. I have not once, but many times, waited on a crowded, stationary bus for at least 40 minutes before the driver was happy to get the bus moving. No matter how much you plead or beg or shout at him, nothing will work. And I won't even comment on the driving.

Then it's the KTM train service (operated by the oldest train company in Malaysia, Keretapi Tanah Melayu) which is the only [slow] train that connects me to the next train (so that I can be connected to yet another stupid Rapid KL bus). Another public transport that provides a schedule for reasons I cannot comprehend. It has less than 1% punctuality, often stops in the middle of the track just to "wait for the signals given by the other side" (huh?), has poorly-constructed and -built stations that let you wait (again) for ages just to get out, and cancels half the time.

All the trains in Malaysia are not inter-connected, in the sense that you will have to get out of one station and walk (if you're lucky) to another, pay for another ticket just to board the next train. They may all accept one travel card called Touch n Go, but hey listen, no discount whatsoever for using that card. The only benefit is, you don't have to queue for an hour to get a ticket; but you may need to queue when you have to top up the card's value at the [selected limited] stations.

The frequency of these public transports is pretty low on its own; what's more, with all that cancellations, delays, and "schedules according to the driver's discretion"; when a bus or train finally emerges, it is often overflowed with passengers. Can't bear to be squished? Wait for the next one then... By the time I get home (or to the office) I would be so tired I couldn't even speak.

Once in a while, I do get to accomplish one of my travel quadrilogies within 2 hours (gasp!) and that's when I don't have to wait more than 15 minutes for every bus and train. See? The whole journey, though troublesome, can be done in much shorter time than 3 hours ONLY if all these public transports are on schedule (if they have any) -- a.k.a. operated properly.

No wonder almost everyone in Malaysia 'needs' to own a car.

Malaysia General Election 2008

Yes it is election time again for Malaysians, and you can see all the "hype and excitement" building up leading to the Big Day. Everywhere you go, you'll stumble upon or walk into banners, flag lines, buntings, and billboards filled with photos of election candidates along with cheesy slogans that lie through their teeth.





These advertising materials are hung from lamp poll to lamp poll, over the bridge, on the trees, as well as on some flats' main gates. You can even spot the gigantic prints pinned on the hills. Not only they are making the place look messy, they can be really hazardous too. I've seen a couple of middle school kids trying to cross the street, stumbling over some flag lines hung over the divider and nearly fell over onto the road. Fortunately, no one was showing off the power of their sports car at that very moment.

All these election candidates promised (on the outdoor advertising materials) to be everything you want them to be: sincere, of service to you, love the citizen, love the country, blah blah blah... whilst what they did not promise but have already done is: create rubbish for the public. I am 200% sure that all these outdoor advertising materials will be left exactly where they are now, after the election has ended. I can bet on my head!

Oh and suddenly the holey and bumpy roads are tarred and fixed! What a bunch of clever, clever politicians! But sorry folks, you'll only get them fixed every 4-5 years. Whatever incomplete work shall be continued a few days prior to the next general election.

Crooks!

All I want for Christmas

I love Christmas, but I have much reservation about the notion that, to celebrate Christmas means that you will have to buy something for someone, and subordinate completely to commodity without much thought. Every time I feel like buying something for my friends, I tend to think that I might be adding to:

1. Their clutter - excessive wrapper and trimmings on top of gifts that my friends may have no idea what to do with. Do they throw them away? I may feel unappreciated. Do they reuse or recycle them? That may be too much work for them. They may just throw the wrapping paper away, but it’s still an unnecessary contribution to the landfill.
2. Their chores - things like flowers, nice. But they would have to get the water changed everyday, and I will worry about what they would do when the flowers are dead. I normally bury them, but I can’t possibly expect all of my friends to do that too.
3. Their extreme hassle and guilt as they may have no idea what to say to me - if they totally do not like what I got them.
   

I have decided that this year, and from this year onwards, I shall give NO FLOWERS, NO GIFTS, and NO CARDS - unless they really want me to. Best thing to do, really, is to send me a wish list clearly stating what they want for Christmas.

For myself, I want absolutely nothing bought for me, from now on. Seriously. However, I am proposing a wish list so that IF anyone still thinks that I deserve something, I am more than happy to accept any (or more) of the following:

1. If you want to send me a Christmas card, nothing makes me happier than receiving an E-Card from Care2. Well, any other E-Card that contributes to a charity or ethical business is equally appealing to me.
2. If you have to buy me something, buy me anything from GoodGifts and that will make me, and a lot of other people extremely happy. One stone kills many birds.
3. If you absolutely have to buy me something physical, then please buy me some in-season (and non-imported) local fruit or vegetable, WITHOUT any packaging (just wrap them in some used newspaper), and that too will make me extremely happy.
4. If you really, really, really have to buy me flowers, then PLEASE get me a potted flower plant, or just a pack of seeds or bulbs - so that I can carry on giving life to them, rather than burying them. Or, even better - plant a tree for me on Trees for Life.
5. If you really, really, really can’t resist the temptation of buying me something lavish, then please can I have a working holiday from agents such as National Trust?

This is not a joke. I can even be very happy if you just give me a hug and a peck on the cheek, a sincere and caring email or text message. The main purpose of getting someone a Christmas gift is, after all, to make that person feel really happy. Is that not? You may even see my tears of joy. It really is worth the try. Why look elsewhere?

Oh, and to make it easy for my friends, all these apply to birthdays and other celebrations, too.

Uniquely Singapore Enbloc Fever (Part 2)

If this is the first time you're seeing this title, please refer to the prequel: Uniquely Singapore Enbloc Fever Part 1.

Here is what happened after that (I could probably make a movie out of it). If you have seen The Worst Week Of My Life (a British TV comedy series), you will understand what I’m talking about, because this IS the worst week of MY life, till date.

******************

5 July 2007, Thursday

So I tried to reason with that agent of mine that, since the contract has stated that either party has to provide a written 30-day notice in the event of early termination of the contract, she can't possibly fault me for this because it was HER who has neglected her responsibility as a real estate agent. And who is the one breaching the contract now? It's her who is not giving a 1-month notice! She can well keep my deposit as the rental of my final month, and shove her gangster attitude up where the sun doesn't shine.

I texted her. No reply. And I thought no news was good news.

******************

9 July 2007, Monday

I spent the weekend in Malaysia, where my earthling parents live.

Came back today, I got an annoying text message from the agent Balerina (be my guest and laugh till you drop dead, I just can't imagine what kind of a stupid human being would pick a name like that?!).

Here is our text conversation:

Balerina [hahahaha, sorry I just can't help but laugh]: "latest update, juz bank in yr rental. Company hv stubborn rules n system. Deposit wil b refunded 2u as per contract. Thank you. From: Balerina"
Me: "how can you guarantee that?"
Balerina [hahahaha, sorry I still can't help it]: "All stated in contract very clearly. "
(yes, contract also said that you should give a month’s notice, and Enbloc notice CANNOT be just a month’s notice either!)

I thought: fine and well, let's give you bloody human another chance to live. I planned to go to the bank during my lunch hour and pay it in. On my way to the bank, I got a call from my flatmate telling me that the owner came over the weekend (when I was away), with a policeman, and kicked up a big fuss about us living there! We now know that the agent is not the designated agent, but just an opportunist going around Singapore looking for En-bloc-ed properties, rent them cheap, and sublet each room out at high prices to non-Singaporeans who are not aware of the situation. What's worse, she has not been paying her rent to the owner!

So now we are the ones being accused of living in the house, illegally; and there was an eviction note on the main door! We were ordered to leave the flat within the next week, 15 days sooner than the 1-month notice!!! I am so not paying in my 'rent', all she (Balerina, hahaha!) will get is an angry text from me.

******************

10 July 2007, Tuesday

Afternoon.

Flatmate texted me with the news that the power has been cut off due to a long overdue S$900++ electricity bill, and Balerina has put the blame on every tenant: “PUB is cut because of over usage amt not settled n is due to those ppl who is not working full time job being a nosy parker, staying at home whole day." (As this is copied word-for-word from her text message, I can't fully understand what she meant, and I have no intention in interpreting her Singlish!)

Evening.

I had enough of all these. I went back to the flat, packed as much as I can in the remaining evening sunlight and headed over to a kind colleague’s place for the night.

********

11 July 2007, Wednesday

Two other colleagues (non-Singaporeans) had offered to let me stay at their apartment whilst looking for a 2-month short-term room. I did wonder if they really are human, hmmmm... they may have come from a neighbouring planet to Eris.

*********

12 July 2007, Thursday

I went back to the flat to get more things packed, but the eviction note was gone, and electricity back on. Not sure why but I had a feeling that 'Balerina' tore the note off because she is so the type who thinks she can do anything her way.

*********

13 July 2007, Friday

I was rushing in for a meeting, the owner called and shouted in my ears: “I want to see your work permit! I want to know if you are legal in Singapore because you are staying (do note that these Asians do not know the difference between ‘stay’ and ‘live’) in my house! I want you to talk to the policeman!”

[I had a feeling the police officer with her then did not even think there was a need to talk to me, because he never came to the phone]

I tried reasoning with her and telling her that I have planned to move out before the date she gave us, and rest assure I will give her the keys. She seemed a little calmer than before and agreed to a time for the key-passing event.

Why are Singaporeans so unreasonable? They tend to think that shouting and talking loudly give them a better position. If she had just put it nicely, I would have done the same thing, in much shorter time.

Friday night: another text message from the owner 'reminding' me to hand in the keys, as if me the non-Singaporean is an idiot.

**********

14 July 2007, Saturday

Another 3 trips between my old flat Le Chateau (I realised that Singaporeans love to make use of French in their building and street names, yet are never able to pronounce them properly) and my office, trying to get the remaining bit of the moving done. But manually handling the move (to save money), without a mover is hell. Lifting all that heavy things down the walk-up flat is definitely not an enviable activity. To make it worse, I just had a surgery in late April and I’ve been instructed to avoid lifting heavy objects for at least 3 months.

Just did the first round back to the office, and it’s time to rush to view of a short-term room (it's really hard to find short term, no agent or landlord would entertain you when you are not helping them make money. I tried mentioning my misery of being unreasonably treated such as short notice given on the enbloc issue, but no one gave a damn). It is one of the least impressive rooms I’ve ever seen: run down, metal spring bed with a thin, old mattress, and there's not even a desk! But beggars can’t be choosers; because it is one of the cheapest, and they accept short-term let.

It is a room within a family flat, so I can foresee a lot of inconvenience. Renting a room from a family in Singapore is a sad scene, unless you are bloody lucky to get some nice people to be your landlord. When my uncle came to study in Singapore years ago, he did the same thing. He was not allowed to cook, and had to eat alone in his room, along with many other "don't"s. Now I am told that they ‘allow’ me to use the washing machine once a week, and do light cooking such as preparing instant noodle. How generous! But like I said before, beggars can’t be choosers. And I am looking forward to the day I left this miserable country in 2 months’ time. That’s what keeps me going.

2nd round of moving. Failed.

On my way back from the room to the office, I planned to do more moving but I forgot the keys to the flat. Typical!

3rd round of moving.

Don’t forget this is a very, very hot country, up to 33C in the afternoon. Try carrying 3 to 4 bags weighing about 10kg each, walking in that hot sun for half an hour, a few times back and forth. By the time I finished moving all the bags and stored them in a cabinet in my office (So that I only need to move once more when I finally moved in to the short-term room in August).

After a talk with all the flatmates, no one wanted to meet the owner, thanks to her 'fascinating' persona. We decided to just leave the keys on the counter, and hopefully she can find it before the bulldozer hits her.

A “Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy” moment. Let’s see what next week has in store for me. I’ve got my towel ready.

Or rather... a “The Hitchhiker's Guide to Singapore”?

The Right to Consume, or Plain Ignorance?

One crazy woman was spotted in Ikea restaurant this evening, whilst taking her tray to the tray trolley after her dinner, picked up several packets of unused salt and pepper from the table next to hers, and placed them back where they came from.

These individually packed salt and pepper, was believed to be left behind by a very trendy looking couple, who obviously have the right to take whatever amount of salt and pepper they wish even though it is much more than what they needed and can consume. Afterall, it is free, and the cost has probably been worked into the price of the food; so what's wrong with that? And what damage would ditching a few packets of salt and pepper possibly do?

The damage is astronomical.

And that crazy woman was me.

Harmony in Cultural Differences

This looks like a very normal photograph of four beautiful young oriental girls.

But they aren't just any beautiful young oriental girls. They come from four different oriental ethnics: China, Japan, Korea, and Taiwan (according to alphabetical order). And they are the best of friends.

Surely we have all heard about the long-term conflict amongst the four Oriental countries: China, Japan, Korea, and Taiwan. Everyone of the countries has one thing or another against the rest, whether secretly or out in the open.

The worldwide debates of recognition on "who came from who", "which culture is mine and not yours", "whose land belongs to whom", etc, etc. What's so important about the national rights to a certain festival or food? Sounded like a few 5-year olds fighting over whose dad is the biggest. How embarrassing.

If only these country leaders could stop for 1 second and take a look at these four young ladies. There may still be a little communication obstacle every once in a while, but that didn't stop them from being friends because they all share the same oriental culture. Priceless connection.

And to those country leaders, I rest my case, as I have on all humans.

So, can you guess who's from which country yet?

Hygiene Notions

Out of desperation, I had to join the Sunday crowd at Ikea for my dinner.

Such a trendy place to hang out for families from a highly developed country, to show off that the wives do not have to do the cooking at home because they can afford to eat out.

After much struggle, I finally managed to snatch a remaining chair at a table shared with a family. They had a stack of serviettes (paper napkins) on the table. When I said stack, I really meant stack. A 1-inch thick stack! How can a family of 2 adults and 2 toddlers need so many of that?

It is such a common scene that these humans will take much more than they should, when they can, even when they have absolutely no need for it. "Well, it's free", someone will tell you that.

It is also one of the many notions of "hygiene" in Singapore, well, also in many other places where humans reside. Since the extinct of handkerchief (some may not even know what it is or how to spell it anymore), the use of paper napkins is on the rise. "It's hygienic", someone would also tell you that.

Of course! And here is why they need a whole stack of paper napkins, and would go back for more:

1. Oops, spilt a drop of sauce on my little finger. I need a paper napkin to wipe it off. Chuck.
2. Oh no, spilt some juice onto the table, pass me another paper napkin please. Chuck.
3. Aww... look at you little baby, I'll use this new paper napkin to wipe that food off your face. Chuck.
4. Oops, spilt another drop of sauce on my other little finger. I need a fresh paper napkin to wipe it off. Chuck.
5. Intermission for my drinks, let me wipe my lips clean with a fresh paper napkin before I drink my juice. Chuck. (I might even need a paper napkin to wipe the side of the glass or the straw clean. Chuck)
6. I think I need to wipe that bit of food off my lips again with a fresh paper napkin. Chuck.
7. Aww... look at our little baby, stained her little face again. I'll use this new paper napkin to wipe that food off your face. Chuck.
8. Repeat of 5 and 6, probably a few more times. Chuck, chuck, chuck.
9. Finished eating, finally. Let's use one fresh paper napkin for each of us to wipe our lips, fingers, and faces clean. Chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck.

Home is where children get their primary exposure to morals and ethics. But how can we expect this couple's children to grow up having any conscience towards consumption?

Me? I tear one paper napkin into at least 4 little pieces, each for one meal. Dirty little bugger me.