Whinges of an Alien

Handbags not allowed

2011-05-21T23:16:00.003+08:00

This afternoon, I went to Giant Supermarket in Amcorp Mall, Petaling Jaya, Malaysia. The security guard at the entrance stopped me and demanded me to leave my handbag in an open cupboard (note: not a safe locker).

Well for those who are not familiar with this, you may want to know that there is a funny rule here in Malaysia where certain supermarkets require customers to leave their shopping bags in the cupboard prepared by the supermarket. If you insist on having them they will lock the bags with cable ties so that you can't steal anything with those bags. They will usually let the ladies bring have their handbags in but God forbids, they somehow think that I may steal the whole shop with my "gigantic" handbag.

So I refused and told them that it is in fact my handbag and I will not leave my handbag with them. He then demanded to know the content of my bag which I refused again because he simply did not have the rights to invade my privacy. Then he decided that he will lock my handbag zipper up with the cable tie, and that's when I told him to take his shop and shove it where the sun doesn't shine, and walked away.

Apart from Giant Supermarket, Carrefour Hypermarket in Malaysia also does the same and I have refused to shop there a couple of times when they wanted to "cable-tie-cuff" my shopping bags. So how is this going to work on a "no plastic bag day" when we're supposed to bring our own shopping bags, and they're going to seal all the bags prior to entry? These cable ties are non-reusable so can you imagine how many do they waste in a day?

I will not go in to another Giant Supermarket ever again. My point is: if they want me to spend my money there, they'll have to stop treating me like a thief!

Another Ridiculous Incident in Bangsar South

2011-03-05T11:47:00.008+08:00

Whilst the hole on the pavement in Bangsar South is still wide open, they've just topped themselves by doing this just less than 50m up from the very hole:

The hole is just by the 4wd which you can see parked further down. This pile of building waste has been here since January and I'm guessing like the hole, it is here to stay. Oh by the way, these cars are parked illegally by the pavement. The car owners/drivers have either gone to the shops on the right or to the road side restaurant on the left in the picture. And right after that 4wd that is where the traffic lights are, so yes they are parked right at the traffic light.

This, can only happen in Malaysia. What's wrong with these people?!

Malaysia Truly Asia

2011-02-16T15:26:00.011+08:00

"Malaysia Truly Asia".

Have no freaking idea what it means, but THAT is the tagline for the Malaysia Tourism Board advertising campaign all over the world, particularly targeted at countries where the sun doesn't scorch your skin, and where there isn't an average daily temperature of 34C all year round.

In it you'll see pretty snapshots of white sand beaches, blue skies, blue sea, clean places and good food. Obviously, they will never show you this --

Signboards (put up as directional boards to weddings, loan shark advertisements, etc) and rubbish on the road side, pavement, and in between plants on one of the major motorways in Kuala Lumpur:

A pay phone booth (without the phone) filled with litter:

OR, their infamous public toilets (although there has been some "improvement" in certain shopping centres only recently), or those people who burn their rubbish openly and frequently.

And they're so proud...

Malaysian Websites Suck

2010-11-22T12:48:00.005+08:00

Why?

Because (in case you are so lucky you haven't stumbled upon any):

1. They take ages to load due to the heavily use of Flash on the website.
- Malaysians love using Flash (well most Asians do, Singaporeans too). I have dealt with a number of Malaysian clients before, trying to set up websites for them and all they care about is how flashy and fancy their site may look and not how useful it will be. And most of these Flash animations just make you dizzy. So yes I had to tell them to go somewhere else to get their websites done.

2. They have bad navigation design.

- You will have problem trying to look where you're going, what you should click, where you should go, etc.

3. You probably can't find any useful information on it.

- I recently had to plan some travelling so I thought I would check out the KTM's intercity trains. Surprise, surprise; after a long wait for the page to load and a good 10 minutes looking for the link to the [might have been] right page, I thought I could finally do a schedule and fee checking. But when I selected my departure point, the destination drop-down has only these options: Undefined, Undefined, Undefined, and Undefined. Woah that's helpful! Needless to say, they didn't get my business.

4. If you do manage to find some information, they are probably out of date.

- When I went on to look for bus/coach companies, I either get a directory list with phone number no longer in use, or the bus company's website again has again a way to stop me finding information. I finally found First Coach, whose website is surprisingly usable and the phone number is working! BUT, the website did not come up on my Google search on "coach company in Malaysia", meaning its SEO is a big problem. I've only heard of the company name before and I vaguely remember it so I searched for its name specifically. Still not a 100% user-friendly website but my God, for Malaysian standard, it deserves an A!

5. They don't know the function of a website.

- Yes, it's true. All these people setting up websites like all the Joneses around them just so that they can have the URL printed on their business card. And they think by doing so will make them lots of money.

6. Don't use their "Contact Us"

- And if they have an email address, DO NOT write to them. They will never reply! Can't understand why they even bother having one.

And if you think that's bad, try going to an advertising agency's or design firm's, or even a Malaysian digital media company's websites. All "style", no substance!

Can my mothership just take me home please? Take me home, where all bad Malaysian websites (which would be 99%) are banned.

Longest receipt in the world

2010-10-09T17:58:00.008+08:00

Receipts. One of the most annoying and pointless yet unavoidable things in life. It is necessary as evidence that you did not steal something from a shop, for making claims when you return the goods, as proof that you've been overcharged, etc. But most of the time you'll find that you have more receipts in your wallet than money.

As if it is not bad enough, we've just got ourselves what's probably the longest receipt in the world, from a book shop in Kuala Lumpur. We only bought 2 books but the total length of the receipt is 37.4cm.

What made it this long is the 2 paragraphs of very meaningless text (some "receipt stories" thingie) printed on the end of the receipt, taking up more than half the length of the paper. Did it serve any purpose? We have no idea. But we're sure that halfway trying to read the 2 paragraphs, we nearly fell asleep.

While some of us are trying to reduce wastage and stuff going to landfill, there are those who try every possible way to create advertising space to make money. What can we do? Probably nothing, unless we have the wealth power.

But in case you want some ideas on using up old receipts, here's a cute one on Fun Eco Home Projects.

More Holes on Bangsar South Pavement!

2010-06-07T23:24:00.003+08:00

Just when we thought things couldn't get worse after the scary walkway in Bangsar South, they just did.

This is leading down to the scary walkway in Bangsar South. From where the red-ish tiles end, almost 10m of this pavement has been left untiled since last year. Yes, all they have done was putting some cement on it because it was really rocky and sandy after they were done with widening the road for the ever-increasing number of cars. And even the cement was put on weeks after the road was done.

And as if walking on unfinished pavement isn't bad enough, we have to now deal with this big, deep hole. God knows how and why this happened, but I was glad I managed to notice it just feet before the hole.

I saw this last Monday, and it's still here now - a week later. I'm guessing it is here to stay, since these people around here seem to be pretty happy about it. Maybe, unlike me, they all drive instead of walking down hill to get the public transport. Of course, it's just me whinging endlessly about something so pointless...

Scary walkway on Kerinchi, Bangsar South

2010-05-04T20:44:00.004+08:00

The whole purpose of having a walkway is so that pedestrians have a path to walk on instead of venturing on to the side of the roads where motor vehicles zoom by. This sheltered walkway leads to some expensive highrise condominiums up Kerinchi Hill in Bangsar South (anything named or part-named Bangsar in Kuala Lumpur represents "prestigious living").

By all accounts, it should be a breezy walk on this walkway but it's really not the case. Not only it gets flooded on a stormy day, the locals have been abusing it to an unbelievable state.

Rubbish everywhere

If you are not one of those privilege enough to have a car, but have to walk up the hill every day, you'll know what I mean. You'll find rubbish, broken stools, mud left from the flood, etc, along the walkway as well as inside the wrecked open drain holes. It is disgusting yet hazardous, because you can easily trip and fall into the deep holes especially in the dark (no I have never seen the lights working). I have even seen a dead cat on top of a pile of rubbish over a drain hole once!

Dried mud caused by storms and overflew drain water

Rubbish collected over the drain holes

Fancy taking a walk here?

More mud and open drain hole

Drain hole

Honestly, scattered rubbish in public places is not uncommon in Malaysia, but a walkway like this being in the middle of Bangsar area for such a long period of time is by far the worst I've seen. These people are just plain ignorant, irresponsible and yet the authority is not doing anything.

Can Malaysians queue?

2010-05-03T20:40:00.005+08:00

If you're ever coming in to Malaysia via Singapore, one of the most drastic differences you'd spot between the two vastly similar countries is the queueing system, especially when waiting for public transport.

You may think that I'm joking, but hey, most Malaysians just can't queue! Just look at the picture below. Perhaps, it's because these bus stations do not have a very good platform system, so these people have no idea where to start standing (duh!). What's not helping is that, these buses also do not have a fixed timetable and you'll never know which bus would go first (no the first bus in the line is not always the first to go).

But, even if you and your friends were to deliberately start a queue by standing neatly in a line (I have tried this experiment before), those who come after you would just hang around on your left, right, or loosely behind you, if not in front of you.

And when the driver is spotted walking towards the bus, these people will all rush to the door from all kinds of directions - EVEN if there were a somewhat half-formed queue before that.

However, you may see people queueing like good boys and girls on some train platforms; but look further, there bound to be a security guard or police on special duty - to make sure that they queue!

I'm not quite sure why this is still happening here. I grew up here and we were trained to queue in school: morning assemblies, getting in to classrooms, getting food, etc. So you can't exactly say that we weren't taught how to do that. Every now and again I will see playschool children walking in queues on field trips, so I gathered they still teach that in school. But once out of school, all disciplines are out and into the bin. Maybe one day, when I finally return to my own planet with these research findings, some of my supreme beings could help me unmask the mystery.

Flooded walkway in Kerinchi (Bangsar South)

2009-12-26T20:51:00.003+08:00

When it rains, I prefer to walk home from the train station as there is no poisonous hot sun and heat to kill me. So when it was stormy and raining dogs and cats this afternoon, I thought I'd take the train then have a cool walk up the hill.

The moment I arrived at the walkway leading up the hill, all I could see was a muddy river (or more like a waterfall) rushing down towards me. There are drain holes along the walkway and some of the grill covers are missing or half broken, and there is no way one can walk up there safely in this condition. So I had to walk outside the walkway i.e. on the main road.

When I finally walked up to one spot where the steps were not covered in angry muddy water, I went back on the walkway and found where the river started:

What looks like a boiling evil spring (pictured above) is actually one of the drain holes. this must have been caused by a bad clog underneath that has forced the rain water out from the drain hole. On a stormy day like this in Malaysia, this is how much water you'd get in perhaps under an hour.

What happens is, this walkway has been utilised as a hawker street. There will be little food stalls along the walkway, providing takeaway as well as hot food to the locals. The problem is, I have seen these hawkers pouring anything and everything into the drain holes: hot oil, leftover food, etc. Making a living by selling affordable food is not a bad thing, but having no conscience about the environment is just worrying.

I live way up the hill so this muddy water is not going to affect me, but there are people living downhill. This is not the first time it's happened, but I can't understand why the problem is still left unattended. I sure hope that the new Bangsar South developers are going to do something as this is what's leading up to their posh and swanky township. But then their future residents would be driving or chauffeured in big shiny cars so the walkway is probably not a problem to them.

Hazy Monday in Malaysia

2009-07-13T13:40:00.004+08:00

Every year those who live in Malaysia and Singapore would somehow have to live through a 4- to 6-month period of haze. An age-old issue that has never seemed to be solved, is believed to be caused by the forest fires in Indonesia. Woke up this morning, I looked out the window to see hardly anything but a grey shade hovering my daily scenery. Telekom building is now a blurry silhouette and Mid Valley has disappeared!

It looks really cool and misty on photograph, but the strong smell of smoke lingering in the back of your throat will bring you back to the cruel reality. There is nothing we can do if these farmers don't stop thoughtless burning. Just drink more water, perhaps wear a mask even when at home, AND do a rain dance!

What a Great Earth Hour Advertising Gimmick

2009-03-28T21:11:00.005+08:00

On 28th March 2009, right before 8.30pm, I heard this screeching voice of a woman shouted at our apartment block: "Hey everyone, turn off your lights for 1 hour to support Earth Hour! Do your part for the environment please!"

3 minutes later, she shouted very rudely again: "Hey turn off your lights you stupid people!" and it sounded like she was going to punch anyone who does not obey.

This, is a very IMPORTANT day for these - I believe - new "earth lovers" who got converted after being brain-washed by the biggest pretence amongst the environmental organisations, who now suddenly became nobles! Ambassadors! Spokesmen and spokeswomen!

Doesn't that just make you (and I), who have probably been trying to live a sustainable life for the past 15 years, want to slap her? I am not against turning lights off when not in use, nor would I keep the lights on just because this woman disgusted me. If she thinks by conforming to the Earth Hour symbolic act makes her a noble person, by all means go ahead and do so (probably just for that 1 hour in her whole life time!). But do not blindly judge other people just because they cannot think for themselves and need to be told what to do by commercialism. As if I don't know that she is one of those who: ask for extra plastic bags when she goes shopping; own an "I'm Not A Plastic Bag" designer's bag; leave their extra TV in the bedroom on standby all night; and drive to the local shop just down the road for a bottle of water. I'm pretty sure she also keeps a fancy note pad for writing phone messages and shopping lists on! And they've got the cheek to talk to me who does not even own a TV, radio, stereo, or washing machine! (Yes I still hand wash my clothes, beat that!)

I remember more than a decade ago, I was called the bitch, the witch, the crazy woman, the rubbish woman, etc., for trying to beg people around me to reduce paper consumption, to avoid buying into too much packaging, to use my own bags when doing my shopping (but got told off by the cashier!). And now these bunch of hillbillies are telling me off for not subordinating to a gimmicky stunt pulled by a so-called environmental organisation who did no real good for the earth.

I can rest assure that they will come questioning you the next morning, just to check if you obeyed. If you did not, they will pull a disgusted face and judge you because, after all, disobeying an advertising message is a serious crime in the 21st century.

So, how would this historical event change these newly converts' lives? Ah yes... after turning the lights off for 1 mere hour, they shall go back to leaving their 2nd and 3rd TVs on standby mode all night, for the rest of their lives. That very hour, technically, might have saved SOME energy (if you exclude the energy used for all those theme concerts and live performances everywhere, using microphones, amplifiers and loud speakers), but has it taught these dumbed down earthlings anything about sustainability? I surely hope so.

I totally agree with what Mr Marcus said about the whole commercialism-in-disguise in Malaysia Star Online: people would just buy in to any publicity stunt. I know for a fact that people need something to believe in, and notions which assure them that their trivial act will be seen as trendy and cool nobility by others. Let's face it, peer pressure is powerful; and humans need to feel good about what they do - even just for that one hour in their entire life.

Oh and don't forget: what is there to boast about, if they were to just hand wash their clothes (so uncool)? It's nothing compared to being a part of such a remarkable day, that marks the history of human unkind!

My hats off to a successful marketing and advertising stunt campaign. Bravo guys!

Fireworks: a commercialism hoax

2008-09-01T12:12:00.007+08:00

Someone asked me: "Oh did you watch the fireworks last night? It was AWWWWWSOME! Soooooo beautiful! Uh... you didn't? But why? Don't you celebrate the Independence Day?"

I often do not know what to say to these people, especially when they are supposedly my "friends". I do try and give a very diplomatic answer in a very polite way, not saying anything about how meaningless and environmentally unfriendly fireworks are, which they definitely have no freaking idea what the hell I am on about. So you'll see me coming up with fake reasons like:"Oh I can't see it from my window", or "I was so tired I fell asleep", etc.

What I've always wanted to ask them back is: what does all these mean to them? Oh look, boom: a red flash; boom: a blue one; and boom: another red! Then what? Tons of carbon dioxide and left behind rubbish to be cleaned up, plus money wasted on burning gun powder and chemicals away. Now... did anyone benefit from anything at all? Oh yes, the fireworks suppliers. But the country did not become a better place due to that colourful event you've just witnessed; none of the current political, environmental, or whatsoever issues in the country has been solved just because somebody burnt some bloody fireworks!

There are many more useful and memorable ways and things to do to celebrate an Independence Day, or Christmas, or New Year's Eve. These people need to wake up and realise that all these colourful lights in the sky are just a hoax in the whole commercialism game. The big players know darn well that these poor earthlings need something intangible to hold on to: a notion, a lie that is painted beautifully; a "celebration" that means nothing to them, but merely an excuse to get dressed and get drunk, and be part of the "in" trend whilst comparing notes on those cheesy TV commercials with a pretentious Independence Day theme.

I'm still tempted to ask: what does all these mean to them? But honestly, I don't want to know the answer. It's too scary, and sad. It won't be long before the world become the one in Idiocracy.

Public Transport in Malaysia

2008-03-13T16:27:00.005+08:00

As much as I despise the lifeless living in Singapore, I have to admit that their public transport system is near flawless. You can argue that the country is tiny, hence easy to plan and control; but it doesn't give anyone any reason to operate their public transport service horrendously bad just because it is bigger!

I have now been stuck in Kuala Lumpur for 3 months. Having sold my old car before I left the country years ago, I now have to depend on various public transport to get around the city. And what can I say? NOTHING HAS CHANGED!

Thanks to the heritage of my earthling foster family, I am temporarily (hopefully, fingers-crossed!) residing in a God-forsaken place where I have to take 4 different public transports just to get to work (the same applies to getting home): bus-train-train-bus! There are at least 6 hours spent on travelling everyday, and it's far worse than getting the bus from Southampton to Derby!

Why? You may ask.

Of course, the residential area being inaccessible is one reason and that is an inevitable fact; but these public transports are not well-connected or well-organised is the real problem. Take Rapid KL, the first part of my travel quadrilogy, a bus service I have to take to get to the nearest train station. Given the name, one would imagine it being bloody good in its service but I would call it Rabies KL if I can. This is one of those bus services in the world that do not run according to schedule. If the bus gets here, it gets here; if it doesn't, you have to wait. You'll never know when you'll get to board the bus. Even if the bus does come to your stop, especially if it is the terminal, you really have to wait. The driver will wait till the bus is full, and till he has collected what he considers enough of bus fare for the trip. I have not once, but many times, waited on a crowded, stationary bus for at least 40 minutes before the driver was happy to get the bus moving. No matter how much you plead or beg or shout at him, nothing will work. And I won't even comment on the driving.

Then it's the KTM train service (operated by the oldest train company in Malaysia, Keretapi Tanah Melayu) which is the only [slow] train that connects me to the next train (so that I can be connected to yet another stupid Rapid KL bus). Another public transport that provides a schedule for reasons I cannot comprehend. It has less than 1% punctuality, often stops in the middle of the track just to "wait for the signals given by the other side" (huh?), has poorly-constructed and -built stations that let you wait (again) for ages just to get out, and cancels half the time.

All the trains in Malaysia are not inter-connected, in the sense that you will have to get out of one station and walk (if you're lucky) to another, pay for another ticket just to board the next train. They may all accept one travel card called Touch n Go, but hey listen, no discount whatsoever for using that card. The only benefit is, you don't have to queue for an hour to get a ticket; but you may need to queue when you have to top up the card's value at the [selected limited] stations.

The frequency of these public transports is pretty low on its own; what's more, with all that cancellations, delays, and "schedules according to the driver's discretion"; when a bus or train finally emerges, it is often overflowed with passengers. Can't bear to be squished? Wait for the next one then... By the time I get home (or to the office) I would be so tired I couldn't even speak.

Once in a while, I do get to accomplish one of my travel quadrilogies within 2 hours (gasp!) and that's when I don't have to wait more than 15 minutes for every bus and train. See? The whole journey, though troublesome, can be done in much shorter time than 3 hours ONLY if all these public transports are on schedule (if they have any) -- a.k.a. operated properly.

No wonder almost everyone in Malaysia 'needs' to own a car.

Malaysia General Election 2008

2008-03-07T10:56:00.016+08:00

Yes it is election time again for Malaysians, and you can see all the "hype and excitement" building up leading to the Big Day. Everywhere you go, you'll stumble upon or walk into banners, flag lines, buntings, and billboards filled with photos of election candidates along with cheesy slogans that lie through their teeth.

These advertising materials are hung from lamp poll to lamp poll, over the bridge, on the trees, as well as on some flats' main gates. You can even spot the gigantic prints pinned on the hills. Not only they are making the place look messy, they can be really hazardous too. I've seen a couple of middle school kids trying to cross the street, stumbling over some flag lines hung over the divider and nearly fell over onto the road. Fortunately, no one was showing off the power of their sports car at that very moment.

All these election candidates promised (on the outdoor advertising materials) to be everything you want them to be: sincere, of service to you, love the citizen, love the country, blah blah blah... whilst what they did not promise but have already done is: create rubbish for the public. I am 200% sure that all these outdoor advertising materials will be left exactly where they are now, after the election has ended. I can bet on my head!

Oh and suddenly the holey and bumpy roads are tarred and fixed! What a bunch of clever, clever politicians! But sorry folks, you'll only get them fixed every 4-5 years. Whatever incomplete work shall be continued a few days prior to the next general election.

Crooks!

All I want for Christmas

2007-11-08T02:38:00.001+08:00

I love Christmas, but I have much reservation about the notion that, to celebrate Christmas means that you will have to buy something for someone, and subordinate completely to commodity without much thought. Every time I feel like buying something for my friends, I tend to think that I might be adding to:

Their clutter - excessive wrapper and trimmings on top of gifts that my friends may have no idea what to do with. Do they throw them away? I may feel unappreciated. Do they reuse or recycle them? That may be too much work for them. They may just throw the wrapping paper away, but it’s still an unnecessary contribution to the landfill.
Their chores - things like flowers, nice. But they would have to get the water changed everyday, and I will worry about what they would do when the flowers are dead. I normally bury them, but I can’t possibly expect all of my friends to do that too.
Their extreme hassle and guilt as they may have no idea what to say to me - if they totally do not like what I got them.

I have decided that this year, and from this year onwards, I shall give NO FLOWERS, NO GIFTS, and NO CARDS - unless they really want me to. Best thing to do, really, is to send me a wish list clearly stating what they want for Christmas.

For myself, I want absolutely nothing bought for me, from now on. Seriously. However, I am proposing a wish list so that IF anyone still thinks that I deserve something, I am more than happy to accept any (or more) of the following:

If you want to send me a Christmas card, nothing makes me happier than receiving an E-Card from Care2. Well, any other E-Card that contributes to a charity or ethical business is equally appealing to me.
If you have to buy me something, buy me anything from GoodGifts and that will make me, and a lot of other people extremely happy. One stone kills many birds.
If you absolutely have to buy me something physical, then please buy me some in-season (and non-imported) local fruit or vegetable, WITHOUT any packaging (just wrap them in some used newspaper), and that too will make me extremely happy.
If you really, really, really have to buy me flowers, then PLEASE get me a potted flower plant, or just a pack of seeds or bulbs - so that I can carry on giving life to them, rather than burying them. Or, even better - plant a tree for me on Trees for Life.
If you really, really, really can’t resist the temptation of buying me something lavish, then please can I have a working holiday from agents such as National Trust?

This is not a joke. I can even be very happy if you just give me a hug and a peck on the cheek, a sincere and caring email or text message. The main purpose of getting someone a Christmas gift is, after all, to make that person feel really happy. Is that not? You may even see my tears of joy. It really is worth the try. Why look elsewhere?

Oh, and to make it easy for my friends, all these apply to birthdays and other celebrations, too.

Uniquely Singapore Enbloc Fever (Part 2)

2007-09-26T23:00:00.001+08:00

If this is the first time you're seeing this title, please refer to the prequel: Uniquely Singapore Enbloc Fever Part 1.

Here is what happened after that (I could probably make a movie out of it). If you have seen The Worst Week Of My Life (British TV comedy series), you will understand what I’m talking about, because this IS the worst week of MY life, till date.

******************

5 July 2007, Thursday

So I tried to reason with that agent of mine that, since the contract has stated that either party has to provide a written 30-day notice in the event of early termination of the contract, she can't possibly fault me for this because it was HER who has neglected her responsibility as a real estate agent. And who is the one breaching the contract now? It's her who is not giving a 1-month notice! She can well keep my deposit as the rental of my final month, and shove her gangster attitude up where the sun doesn't shine.

I texted her. No reply. And I thought no news was good news.

******************

9 July 2007, Monday

I spent the weekend in Malaysia, where my earthling parents live.

Came back today, I got an annoying text message from the agent Balerina (be my guest and laugh till you drop dead, I just can't imagine what kind of a stupid human being would pick a name like that?!).

Here is our text conversation:

Balerina [hahahaha, sorry I just can't help but laugh]: "latest update, juz bank in yr rental. Company hv stubborn rules n system. Deposit wil b refunded 2u as per contract. Thank you. From: Balerina"
Me: "how can you guarantee that?"
Balerina [hahahaha, sorry I still can't help it]: "All stated in contract very clearly. "
(yes, contract also said that you should give a month’s notice, and Enbloc notice CANNOT be just a month’s notice either!)

I thought: fine and well, let's give you bloody human another chance to live. I planned to go to the bank during my lunch hour and pay it in. On my way to the bank, I got a call from my flatmate telling me that the owner came over the weekend (when I was away), with a policeman, and kicked up a big fuss about us living there! We now know that the agent is not the designated agent, but just an opportunist going around Singapore looking for En-bloc-ed properties, rent them cheap, and sublet each room out at high prices to non-Singaporeans who are not aware of the situation. What's worse, she has not been paying her rent to the owner!

So now we are the ones being accused of living in the house, illegally; and there was an eviction note on the main door! We were ordered to leave the flat within the next week, 15 days sooner than the 1-month notice!!! I am so not paying in my 'rent', all she (Balerina, hahaha!) will get is an angry text from me.

******************

10 July 2007, Tuesday

Afternoon.

Flatmate texted me with the news that the power has been cut off due to a long overdue S$900++ electricity bill, and Balerina has put the blame on every tenant: “PUB is cut because of over usage amt not settled n is due to those ppl who is not working full time job being a nosy parker, staying at home whole day." (As this is copied word-for-word from her text message, I can't fully understand what she meant, and I have no intention in interpreting her Singlish!)

Evening.

I had enough of all these. I went back to the flat, packed as much as I can in the remaining evening sunlight and headed over to a kind colleague’s place for the night.

********

11 July 2007, Wednesday

Two other colleagues (non-Singaporeans) had offered to let me stay at their apartment whilst looking for a 2-month short-term room. I did wonder if they really are human, hmmmm... they may have come from a neighbouring planet to Eris.

*********

12 July 2007, Thursday

I went back to the flat to get more things packed, but the eviction note was gone, and electricity back on. Not sure why but I had a feeling that 'Balerina' tore the note off because she is so the type who thinks she can do anything her way.

*********

13 July 2007, Friday

I was rushing in for a meeting, the owner called and shouted in my ears: “I want to see your work permit! I want to know if you are legal in Singapore because you are staying (do note that these Asians do not know the difference between ‘stay’ and ‘live’) in my house! I want you to talk to the policeman!”

[I had a feeling the police officer with her then did not even think there was a need to talk to me, because he never came to the phone]

I tried reasoning with her and telling her that I have planned to move out before the date she gave us, and rest assure I will give her the keys. She seemed a little calmer than before and agreed to a time for the key-passing event.

Why are Singaporeans so unreasonable? They tend to think that shouting and talking loudly give them a better position. If she had just put it nicely, I would have done the same thing, in much shorter time.

Friday night: another text message from the owner 'reminding' me to hand in the keys, as if me the non-Singaporean is an idiot.

**********

14 July 2007, Saturday

Another 3 trips between my old flat Le Chateau (I realised that Singaporeans love to make use of French in their building and street names, yet are never able to pronounce them properly) and my office, trying to get the remaining bit of the moving done. But manually handling the move (to save money), without a mover is hell. Lifting all that heavy things down the walk-up flat is definitely not an enviable activity. To make it worse, I just had a surgery in late April and I’ve been instructed to avoid lifting heavy objects for at least 3 months.

Just did the first round back to the office, and it’s time to rush to view of a short-term room (it's really hard to find short term, no agent or landlord would entertain you when you are not helping them make money. I tried mentioning my misery of being unreasonably treated such as short notice given on the enbloc issue, but no one gave a damn). It is one of the least impressive rooms I’ve ever seen: run down, metal spring bed with a thin, old mattress, and there's not even a desk! But beggars can’t be choosers; because it is one of the cheapest, and they accept short-term let.

It is a room within a family flat, so I can foresee a lot of inconvenience. Renting a room from a family in Singapore is a sad scene, unless you are bloody lucky to get some nice people to be your landlord. When my uncle came to study in Singapore years ago, he did the same thing. He was not allowed to cook, and had to eat alone in his room, along with many other "don't"s. Now I am told that they ‘allow’ me to use the washing machine once a week, and do light cooking such as preparing instant noodle. How generous! But like I said before, beggars can’t be choosers. And I am looking forward to the day I left this miserable country in 2 months’ time. That’s what keeps me going.

2nd round of moving. Failed.

On my way back from the room to the office, I planned to do more moving but I forgot the keys to the flat. Typical!

3rd round of moving.

Don’t forget this is a very, very hot country, up to 33C in the afternoon. Try carrying 3 to 4 bags weighing about 10kg each, walking in that hot sun for half an hour, a few times back and forth. By the time I finished moving all the bags and stored them in a cabinet in my office (So that I only need to move once more when I finally moved in to the short-term room in August).

After a talk with all the flatmates, no one wanted to meet the owner, thanks to her 'fascinating' persona. We decided to just leave the keys on the counter, and hopefully she can find it before the bulldozer hits her.

A “Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy” moment. Let’s see what next week has in store for me. I’ve got my towel ready.

Or rather... a “The Hitchhiker's Guide to Singapore”?

The Right to Consume, or Plain Ignorance?

2007-09-23T19:58:00.002+08:00

One crazy woman was spotted in Ikea restaurant this evening, whilst taking her tray to the tray trolley after her dinner, picked up several packets of unused salt and pepper from the table next to hers, and placed them back where they came from.

These individually packed salt and pepper, was believed to be left behind by a very trendy looking couple, who obviously have the right to take whatever amount of salt and pepper they wish even though it is much more than what they needed and can consume. Afterall, it is free, and the cost has probably been worked into the price of the food; so what's wrong with that? And what damage would ditching a few packets of salt and pepper possibly do?

The damage is astronomical.

And that crazy woman was me.

Harmony in Cultural Differences

2007-09-21T09:25:00.000+08:00

This looks like a very normal photograph of four beautiful young oriental girls.

But they aren't just any beautiful young oriental girls. They come from four different oriental ethnics: China, Japan, Korea, and Taiwan (according to alphabetical order). And they are the best of friends.

Surely we have all heard about the long-term conflict amongst the four Oriental countries: China, Japan, Korea, and Taiwan. Everyone of the countries has one thing or another against the rest, whether secretly or out in the open.

The worldwide debates of recognition on "who came from who", "which culture is mine and not yours", "whose land belongs to whom", etc, etc. What's so important about the national rights to a certain festival or food? Sounded like a few 5-year olds fighting over whose dad is the biggest. How embarrassing.

If only these country leaders could stop for 1 second and take a look at these four young ladies. There may still be a little communication obstacle every once in a while, but that didn't stop them from being friends because they all share the same oriental culture. Priceless connection.

And to those country leaders, I rest my case, as I have on all humans.

So, can you guess who's from which country yet?

Hygiene Notions

2007-09-17T08:48:00.001+08:00

Out of desperation, I had to join the Sunday crowd at Ikea for my dinner.

Such a trendy place to hang out for families from a highly developed country, to show off that the wives do not have to do the cooking at home because they can afford to eat out.

After much struggle, I finally managed to snatch an empty seat at a table shared with a family. They had a stack of serviettes (paper napkins) on the table. When I said stack, I really meant stack. A 1-inch thick stack! How can a family of 2 adults and 2 toddlers need so many of that?

It is such a common scene that these humans will take much more than they should, when they can, even when they have absolutely no need for it. "Well, it's free", someone will tell you that.

It is also one of the many notions of "hygiene" in Singapore, well, also in many other places where humans reside. Since the extinct of handkerchief (some may not even know what it is or how to spell it anymore), the use of paper napkins is on the rise. "It's hygienic", someone would also tell you that.

Of course! And here is why they need a whole stack of paper napkins, and would go back for more:

1. Oops, spilt a drop of sauce on my little finger. I need a paper napkin to wipe it off. Chuck.
2. Oh no, spilt some juice onto the table, pass me another paper napkin please. Chuck.
3. Aww... look at you little baby, I'll use this new paper napkin to wipe that food off your face. Chuck.
4. Oops, spilt another drop of sauce on my other little finger. I need a fresh paper napkin to wipe it off. Chuck.
5. Intermission for my drinks, let me wipe my lips clean with a fresh paper napkin before I drink my juice. Chuck. (I might even need a paper napkin to wipe the side of the glass or the straw clean. Chuck)
6. I think I need to wipe that bit of food off my lips again with a fresh paper napkin. Chuck.
7. Aww... look at our little baby, stained her little face again. I'll use this new paper napkin to wipe that food off your face. Chuck.
8. Repeat of 5 and 6, probably a few more times. Chuck, chuck, chuck.
9. Finished eating, finally. Let's use one fresh paper napkin for each of us to wipe our lips, fingers, and faces clean. Chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck.

Home is where children get their primary exposure to morals and ethics. But how can we expect this couple's children to grow up having any conscience towards consumption?

Me? I tear one paper napkin into at least 4 little pieces, each for one meal. Dirty little bugger me.

Hungry Ghosts, Good Money

2007-08-27T22:13:00.001+08:00

The bus ride back to my little room rented from a human family takes about 35 minutes every evening, and passes by many HDB flats (The Singapore government built flats, HDB stands for Housing and Development Board) in Chinese housing area including the China Town. Since mid August, I have been noticing a lot of burning of candles, prayer paper that represents "hell money", joss sticks, and paper replicas of luxury items in these areas. There are also some heavily decorated stages and tents set up in various areas, completed with altars and amazingly, karaokes! It looks like something really big is going on.

Aahhhhh... it's one of the most important Chinese festivals in Singapore: The Hungry Ghost Festival! The festival which the Chinese believe that the hell gate would open and free all underworld souls to wander amongst the livings' world. All that burnings are the humans' offerings to feed these hungry and perhaps greedy ghosts, so that they shall not disturb or harm the living.

What amuses me is, the Hungry Ghost Festival is meant to be only on the 14th day of the 7th Lunar month, but this has been going on for weeks, since the first day of the Lunar month. And tonight, the 15th day of the 7th Lunar month: I still had to walk through rows of burning candles and joss to get to the lift lobby.

It's rather ironic that all these are happening in the clean and modern Singapore. Didn't Singapore just organise a Live Earth Concert recently, shouting about global warming? But then again, the concert itself was a gigantic hypocritical bulls**t, no wonder they can create all that smoke and pollution for a few weeks and still get away with it.

There is nothing wrong with having and keeping one's tradition and belief. But taking a few weeks to celebrate a one-day festival, is really unnecessary (although some believe that the gate would be open for a whole month, what do we aliens know eh?).

If this is about tradition and belief, the ghosts were "traditionally believed" to be let out of hell for just that one day, every year; and in the town I lived in when I was in my younger human body, people used to only give offerings a day or two around the 14th. Now who did they get that extra holidays from? And if they can be feasting freely for so many days, there will be no hungry ghosts left because they would have been well stuffed!

If this is about tradition and belief, there is another Chinese festival in the 7th Lunar month, 7 days prior to the Hungry Ghost Fest, which is the Qi Xi Festival or the 7th Sister Festival. Why has that been ignored completely then?

Simple.

To make offerings, these believers will have to buy a lot of specially-made paper merchandise (or it may not keep the ghosts away), candles, fruit, candies and cakes. If they feel the need to burn these things for longer and more secure protection from the ghosts, they will buy more.

Setting up the tents, stages and karaokes, involves the hiring of some event organisers, contractors, and material suppliers. And if you wish to attend to one of these events for a sit down dinner, you may have to buy some tickets.

I have checked with a human I know in Singapore, and the answer is: yes, the prolonged festival is highly profitable. Perhaps some humans still believe that they could get some lucky numbers off the ghosts and win some lottery money! So, the extended version of the festival seems absolutely necessary, so that they can burn massive amount of paper and candles every night of the "official" celebration period, to pray for extra safety and prosperity. Sorry Qi Xi Festival, you just aren't profitable enough to be remembered.

So, who is having prosperity at the end of the day, and laughing all the way to the bank?

This is the modern day Hungry Ghost Festival. Feeding the ghost, or the hell money manufacturers?

Glammed Up Animal Cruelty

2007-08-18T10:38:00.001+08:00

TVs are so common these days. You've got one, she's got two, he's got three (except poor me who is now trapped in a humble room who does not have access to one); and now even the fish!!!!

I couldn't believe my eyes when I first saw this in Suntec City. How on earth did that big TV screen get into the aquarium?!! Well obviously some technicians and engineers helped, of course, I'm not an idiot. But why???

I know this is really 'different', and 'innovative', to humans' standard. The business owner must have thought: "Hmmm... the wall looks kinda empty here, let's build an aquarium and keep some colourful and lucky kois to boost our business."

When the big, world-class aquarium is installed:

"Hmmm... the fish look kinda lonely and bored. Oh why don't we give them some entertainment? Let's place a TV in there. Fantastic! That way the aquarium would look soooo "out of the box" (a phrase the Singaporeans use literally everyday without really executing), the passers-by would be so amused (you bet) and the fish would be so happy that they get HBO, BBC, and CNN, with Dolby system surround sound! What an excellent idea!"

By the way, did they asked the fish? Is this ethical?

It is bad enough to be restricted in a tank with all that fake plants around them, and watching ugly humans walking by or standing next to them everyday; now they have to live with cable tv screening all sorts of horrible news and happening around the world, non-stop. I won't even want that in my room, would you?

Perhaps most Ah Bengs (Singapore's own version of Chavs) would envy these fish for having that LCD wide screen, but can we really measure these poor little creatures' feeling and desire according to the humans'? How do we know if they like that? How do we know if they want that? But one thing for sure, that certainly is not their natural habitat, and they are not meant to live like that!

Just because they don't close their eyes doesn't mean that they would love to watch TV 24/7! Just because they keep quiet doesn't mean that they are happy in there! When are earthlings going to learn?

I'm surprised the SPCA hadn't done anything (if that is under their 'black and white' job description at all). But perhaps this is the Asian standard of humanity and view on animal rights. And what can we aliens say?

Lucky Koi? Poor Fish!

Joy To The World! The Hope Is Come!

2007-08-03T09:37:00.001+08:00

A usual morning, a routine tea and toast breakfast down the sandwich place, with my usual half closed/half opened eyes. The lady at the counter is as grumpy as usual, Singapore is as hectic as it usually can be.

A young bloke caught my eye. A young, trendy looking bloke whom I guess works in an advertising agency or some sort of design industry (according to years of observations and experience in the industry myself) from his "smart-casual" outfit. Standing in the queue, he has a short flask in his hand. I am curious: is he planning to do what I am hoping that he is?

I have already finished my breakie, but I decided to stay for a bit due to my nosey nature.

And... YES! When it came to his turn at the counter, he handed over his flask for his takeaway coffee! YAY! Someone is doing the things that the few of us are doing! One more to the club! The hope is out there! [I nearly went up there and gave him a bear hug, but thought I'd better not scare his little effort away so I only smiled to myself and let the woman sat next to me think I'm some nutter or something]

I always believe that as long as I keep doing it myself, someone, somewhere out there, would be doing the same (which is perhaps the most "positive" thing I ever said in my earth life).

And the truth really is out there.

Uniquely Singapore Enbloc Fever

2007-07-04T13:30:00.001+08:00

Just when I was talking about unethical agents and enbloc issues in Singapore, I got a text message from my agent yesterday, confirming that our flat in Le Chateau has been enbloc, and that all tenants will have to move out by the end of this month!

Less than 1 month notice, and not even a written notice! And she had the nerve to ask me to pay up the full rent for the month of July! In other countries that I have resided in before, including Malaysia and England, I have never experienced this kind of real estate moments. Whether it was a lapse of a contract, or in the event of my old landlord wanting to sell the place, I was always informed formally, given ample time for necessary planning with full refund of my deposit.

But the law here seems to be working in the owner's or the agent's favour. In most contracts you will only find rule after rule for the tenant to obey, and nothing for their benefit, for example: what would happen to them when the property is sold, or enbloc in this case?

Nothing is mentioned.

Now I have only 3 more months to serve in this God-forbidden country, but I have to move out of my room in less than a month's time. So I will have to look for another short term place to stay in for the remaining 2 months, which is extremely difficult, unless I am extremely rich with lots of disposable cash to spare.

If you are in the same boat, or if you are planning to come to Singapore to live or work, be prepared before you do so. Check out the forum on Tenant's Right, and Enblocing Singapore. They maybe useful to you. Me? It's too late. Damage's done. You may find me sleeping on the street next month.

Sustainable life in Singapore, and the world we live in

2007-07-01T13:38:00.001+08:00

Oh what a wonderful country! The 'clean' and 'tidy' facade of the city, the heavily advertised 'high standard of living', and its 'uniquely' advance lifestyle! Oh what a wonderful world! No wonder everyone wants to come to Singapore.

Le Chateau is the low rise apartment I am residing in since last September, a 'higher end' private apartment and what the Singaporeans sometimes refer to as a 'mansion' style development. I pay extremely high rental due to the 'golden location' nearing Orchard, for just a room! Monthly cleaning was promised to tenants but you never see the dust disappears. I am sure the apartment once had its glorious time, but it is not maintained properly and everything is on its way out.

I believe this is one of those many properties in Singapore: luxuriously built, but high maintenance. The owner or ex-owner has either migrated to somewhere better, or simply gave up maintaining it, and sold it off or let an agent take care of it. And that would be someone like my agent! You will never get anything done around here, be it leakage in the toilet, a leaky aircon, a broken washing machine, lights that do not work, etc. The agent's programmed reaction towards any of these faulty facilities is: "Is it serious?", as if, it should be ignored if it is deemed not serious! And they have the nerve to tell us that it is the tenants' responsibilities to maintain these appliances, and not theirs! Well, that is only possible, if we were given the appliances in their good conditions! I don't think I know how to maintain an already leaking toilet, do you?

Well, as if that is not enough, we got the news that this development has been 'enbloc-ed' and would be vacated at the latest in August. It is no rumour, as I have seen notices on the walls, and tenants in other units moving out yesterday.

Enbloc is one of Singapore's most popular fevers amongst their many economy-boosting methodologies. If a developer has his eye on a certain valuable land, and he managed to get a certain percentage of the tenants to have a group sale of their units, then they can take over the development, tear it down, and guess what: build another shopping mall, or another luxurious condominium that can be sold at much higher price! Yay!

I suppose, maintaining an existing development in Singaporeans' money perception, is a waste of MONEY, and tearing it down and buidling new ones on the other hand, makes lots more. So what is that new campaign I heard of in Singapore again? Getting Singapore green and sustainable? Huh! In Singapore, nothing can beat $$$$$! Not ethics, not humanity.

And how ethical are these agents? They didn't even bother telling us that the buidling could be torn down in a couple of months' time, hoping that they can collect as much money from us before we realised anything! Imagine waking up one morning and seeing a bulldozer swinging its claw at your window... nice.

The next time someone tells me how great Singapore is, I will give him/her a big tight slap.

Bring Your Own Bag Day in Singapore!

2007-05-01T10:15:00.001+08:00

A few days after the routine-disturbing, too-much-to-handle-for-Singaporeans, Bring Your Own Bag Day; I went to do my shopping again, and as usual I had to shout 3 times at the cashier so I can use my own shopping bag. And guess what she said to me: 'But today is not "Bring Your Own Bag Day".'

I was speechless.

Bring Your Own Bag Day in Singapore!

2007-04-18T20:38:00.001+08:00

To my biggest surprise, when I approached the check-out counter in a supermarket and the cashier asked me, "would you need a bag?" It is definitely not a norm for that to happen in Singapore! Even when some major supermarkets do sell reusable cloth bags, they have never once asked me if I prefer to purchase one of them! And to actually ask me if I need a bag? In your dreams!

Oh but that is finally happening now, so it's God's gift! Of course my answer is "no, I don't need a bag, thank you" - with a big smile, which they don't usually get when they tried to shove me plastic bags.

Then when the next customer said he would like a bag, there was a 10-cent extra charge to his purchase (he then quickly changed his mind ahahaha).

Then I noticed a sticker on the cashier counter top, advertising about some "Bring Your Own Bag Day" campaign.

So I see... Singapore is FINALLY "doing something" like a few other countries. Of course, for a start, they will have to take baby steps, because its residents have been highly pampered with the convenience of taking ten plastic bags for one little thing just because they may get punctured. If they were to immediately start bringing their own bags for the rest of their lives, they will die! [Oh my God, how am I going to buy a bar of chocolate if it's not going to be put in a bag?]

I looked up the campaign report, these people's reactions made me laugh.

Whatever it is, I should be glad that they are at least taking one baby step. Today alone should have saved the lives of many unnecessary plastic bags, and hundreds of square-meters of landfill.

According to Yahoo News, the next ring Your Own Bag Day is on 2nd May. Let's hope this baby step will reach its adulthood one day eh?

But It’s Gonna Dirty The Box

2007-03-14T19:52:00.001+08:00

After those near-violence experiences with the cashier, on instructing them not to provide a plastic bag, I now bring my own container for any food purchases. I came to this very famous and popular Southeast Asian-style bakery in the heart of Singapore, with my little reusable food container. I just felt like having some Cassava cake tonight.

Guess what? When I revealed my little box and said that I want my pastries placed in it, both the shopkeepers looked at me, puzzled. Yes, please, I said, I want my purchase to be placed in the box, and no extra plastic bag please.

Guess what? When I wasn’t looking, the elder shopkeeper stuffed two pastries into a plastic bag before placing them into the box! Arrrrrrgh! This time, I made sure I told her repeatedly that I want the other items placed straight into the box, without any bag.

Guess what? She looked at me, “huh? Straight into the box?” I said yes again. She then said, with that where-the-hell-did-you-weirdo-come-from look, “what? No bag? Isn’t that gonna make the box oily?”

What’s the bloody point of me telling you to place food in the box if I want it to be wrapped in yet another layer of plastic bag? Making the box oily? What kind of a question is that? What’s wrong with you humans? The phrase ‘washing up’ does exist for a reason, which is, when you place food in a dish, you wash it when you’ve finished eating. And for your information, I do plan to wash the box after use!

If only I could scream that in her face. But obviously, I only said the last sentence. Even then, it was confusing enough for her little human brain. That's after all, what the Singaporeans care about: cleaning up anything at all, that's why they prefer to have food in disposable containers that don't require washing up.

And guess what? When I went to the check out counter, I was offered yet another carrier for my container. No prize for correctly guessing what I said.

Joe Le Taxi De Singapore

2007-03-05T23:17:00.001+08:00

If you ever come to Singapore, you would be impressed with their efficient public transport such as the trains and the buses. They are not short of taxis either, however, these taxis may not be of your service at all time.

After a human-bashing (verbally) dinner with my sister (may or may not be another Erisian) who came for a training trip, we headed for the taxi stand to get her back to her hotel. The moderately long queue didn’t put us off. We thought: this is a highly ‘developed’ country equipped with such efficient public transport system, how difficult is it to get a cab? Moreover, I see taxis on the road all the time, loads of them!

5 minutes. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. The person at the start of the queue stayed unchanged, and the queue got longer. Yes, there were taxis driving into the stand, but they either had the “On Call” sign on, or were just dropping off some passengers. Those with no “On Call” sign on, would come in and pick a random passenger whose destination appealed to them.

What the…

Well, so it looked like you can’t exactly queue for a cab in Singapore – you have to call for one. Obviously, you will have to pay a few dollars extra for a called taxi’s surcharge. Huh… that’s why these taxi drivers prefer to serve those who hire them through the calling service! All for that few dollars extra!

I tried joining the calling queue too, but for the next 20 minutes, the line was busy because the whole Singapore was calling for a cab!

Finally, I got through, and the not very friendly customer service gave me two different cab registration numbers (first come first serve). We quickly came up with an excellent idea that each of us will memorise one number (man, we’re so proud of our great, minds). But before we could even fully utilise that excellent idea, one of the cabs came. It took – to be precise – 36.5 seconds. And why did we queue for 45 minutes in the first place?

Are These All That We Can Recycle?

2007-03-04T11:26:00.001+08:00

Recycling, in many human’s mind, is a process or action whereby you dump something used or unused into something called the recycling bins. These bins are often painted in different colours according to each designated category of recyclables. Of course, human being human, they need to be educated n terms of what goes into which coloured bin. Despite that, you can still find them shoving the wrong stuff into the wrong bin, or worse – treating them like a normal rubbish bin!

Obviously, human need a hell a lot of programming in recycling. After all, this is such a new thing to them. They have been taking greedily and thoughtlessly from their mother earth for millions of years!

How do you programme the recycling act into human? First and foremost, the authority (Yes, it’s got to be an authority. Anyone without a title can never convince a human being) has to let these people know what can be recycled. Hence, the different coloured bins for different types of recyclable materials.

HOWEVER, in Singapore (perhaps in many other countries too), apparently there are only 3 groups of recyclables: paper, aluminium cans, and plastic and glass bottles. I beg your pardon? Are these all that we can recycle? The country consume thousands of types of plastic containers daily, in takeaways, layers of excessive packaging, drink cartons, bags, and so on, and so on. Do not tell me that there are only 3 recycling services available in the whole country!

What do I do with the tonnes of receipts I get on a daily basis?
What do I do with movie tickets?
What do I do with those fancy plastic boxes used for packing sushi?
What do I do with used paperclips and staples?

And so on, and so on...

I sometimes find myself standing there staring at the bins, and not knowing which bin to place my recyclables in.

And as you can see from the picture here, the slots on the bins are rather narrow – in fact – too narrow for most things. You can’t put a large detergent bottle or large milk bottle through the little hole. Are the authorities subtly telling us that they do not accept anything that doesn’t go through the hole of that specific size?

Hmm… that reminds me – this country does have specified size diagrams pasted at the entrance of their National Library, to determine the size of bag you can carry into the premise.

Talk about encouraging green mission.

Ban Fast Food… err, We Meant Fast Food Advertisements

2007-03-03T23:50:00.001+08:00

“KUALA LUMPUR, Feb 17 (Reuters) - Malaysia's health ministry is considering a ban on fast food advertisements because the meals they promote are considered "silent killers", the Star newspaper reported on Saturday.”

The health ministry said they want to send a strong signal to the consumers. They do not allow advertising for cigarettes and liquor, and in their opinion, fast food should be treated in the same way as alcohol.

Wow.

That -- is BIG news. Are they finally awakening from the fast food dreamland and realising its evilness, or are they simply jumping on the bandwagon – since the US and the UK are already moving towards that direction – thinking that this is the way to fight against evil?

Whether fast food is equally evil as cigarettes, what good would it do by banning the adverts, while these fast food outlets are still out there? Are you going to chain these consumers and not let them get in there?

Because that’s the easiest way out. If they don’t see it being advertised, they won’t know that they want to consume it.

But if they do not want the consumers to buy cigarettes, liquor, and fast food, why don’t they just ban the selling of these products?

Of course we can't do that. They bring in lots of tax and profit to the country.

If these things are evil, why are they still being manufactured and sold legally?

Of course they have to be manufactured and sold. They bring in lots of tax and profit to the country.

Are the advertisements THE thing we should blame? Fine. Those working in advertising can prepare to pack their bags, whilst those in the tobacco and fast food industry get to keep their jobs.

Of course they will keep their jobs. They bring in lots of tax and profit to the country.

Beats me.

Well, every screw-up needs a scapegoat. In this case, conveniently blame the advertising. When are human beings going to understand, that to tackle a problem, they will have to first identify the roots?

Oh by the way there is a landmine in the area. We shall not tell the people about it, or they might step onto it and get blown up.

Ha. Ha.

Great Country, Great Architecture

2007-03-01T10:17:00.000+08:00

You would think that this is a highly developed country, with everything so modern and advanced; then its building must have very well planned structures abode by the most basic health and safety regulations. Yeah right.

I just had a big slip last night, on the top of the really steep driveway right outside my apartment, thanks to the slippery road – as it has been raining cats and dogs in Singapore for the last couple of days. But rain isn’t at all the main culprit.

And that was not the first time I’ve slipped! The first time brought me a bleeding knee, this time a sprained lower back.

You see; this apartment block has a weird landscape structure that is not exactly ergonomic. The driveway is way too steep to walk down safely, never mind, as it wasn’t built for pedestrians anyway. But the steps and stairway leading down to the entrance of my apartments are too steep too. Take a look at the photographs below: instead of making the platform at a 180-degree horizontal level (see the red line), they made it slants down at a significant angle (see the red arrow). See how big that gradient is? Can you possibly walk down that slope on those slippery tiles, safely? Please note that there is also no railing or handle, whatsoever for you to hold on to.

Steep driveway

With these scary staircases, I’ve got no choice but to walk on the driveway.

How can they have overlooked that flaw? I thought this is Singapore, so everything should be very efficiently done! To be honest, I just think that they have done it that way to save cost. Imagine levelling the middle platform at completely 180 degree, how many more steps do they have to install? That’s going to require more cement, more tiles, more time to finish up, more pay for the builders, and obviously leading to less profit! How clever!

So that’s human for you. Trading safety for profit. I’ve gotta get outta there. Quick.

Nicer Human Beings

2007-02-28T22:58:00.000+08:00

Another hard-to-decide-where-to-dine lunch time.

I came to a café, and was looking for a table. Here comes the problem: almost all tables are 4-seaters. I have this impression that Singapore in a way is trying to promote "unity", "community", "togetherness" or whatever they call it; that is why, every food place I go, most tables are meant for at least 4 diners (except on Valentine's Day, some restaurants would rearrange the tables for couples). But the ironic truth is, most people -- as I observed -- come out for lunch alone! So what you would normally see in a restaurant or café is, most of these 4-seater tables are occupied by just 1 person. What a clever scheme to campaign for so-called "togetherness". Huh!

However, I still have to eat. So I have no choice but to sit at a 4-seater table. I look and feel really inconsiderate, but what choice do I have, being in a country like this, on a planet like this?

While I was eating, a girl came to speak to me - surprisingly, as you don't get that much here - and asked if she could join me at my table. Of course, I said, please do. That would be more sustainable than just me alone hogging such a big space.

We started having small talks. She seemed like a nicer human being anyway. You don't get this a lot on earth. Most people - especially those from or residing in a more developed country - would think you are a nutter if you start talking to them. So new Erisians out there, take note. What surprised me even more was, she is a Singaporean! So there are some friendly Singaporeans! There are some nicer human beings!

Does it mean there is still hope for human species? I surely hope so.

Smokers can quit being so generous

2007-02-26T18:57:00.000+08:00

Here is the most miraculous moment I have ever encountered this morning. I was looking out from a local coffee place, and saw smoke coming out from the top of the hedges.

Oh no, it’s on fire!

However, pedestrians kept walking pass it but no one noticed it or paid any attention to it. I walked to the hedge and took a look. It was a cigarette lying on the top of the hedge, burning and releasing smoke. And it is not quite done yet.

I had to take a snapshot – priceless! But I did not put it off because some very fierce gangsters may have left it there for later, or may be, some very generous smokers have decided to share his joy!

And funnily enough, as I turned away from the cigarette, these 3 Chinese men sitting next to the hedge were staring and glaring at me as if I was some kind of an alien. And they were right.

Note the pictures below: The first being the mysteriously unattended, burning cigarette; the second shows that the cigarette was on the top of a hedge (red arrow) right next to a "No Smoking" sign (red circle).

Sorry, No Outside Books Allowed In The Library

2007-02-25T18:36:00.000+08:00

When I was in England, whenever I wanted to have a quiet afternoon to have a little reading, or do some writing; I’d go to the library. Be it the City Council Library or the library at the university I was both teaching and studying at, I never had a problem getting in and have something done. No one checks my bag, or the books or notes I was bringing in with me. If you steal, the door will scream at you.

The Singapore National Library presents a great-looking exterior and comfortable-looking interior, and does offer some books (well I do have problem sourcing for some titles). It is tempting to spend a luxurious afternoon in there.

My first time visiting the library, I had Sandra Steingraber’s Living Downstream with me. I was stopped by the security guard on duty, and had to go in without it – there is a locker system where you can place all your bags and belongings in – securely – hmm…

Fine.

Today, I had with me a few written essays, which my human students did from plenty of research taken from the library (so they said). What’s the best place to mark these essays, in order to verify their references’ authenticity? The library, of course!

I was stopped by the security guard again.

“There are too many notes, you are only allowed to bring in a couple of blank sheets of paper.” He said, very politely, referring to the essay papers.

“No, Sir (Please note that I’m writing this in a more international context, referring to my also-polite manner. If I really have addressed him as ‘Sir’, he would have thought I’m nuts – for God’s sake, that is Asia!), these are my students’ papers and I need to…” I tried to explain my objectives.

‘But there are just too many notes, who knows you can be studying your own notes?”

What? Are we only limited to only reading the library-owned books in a library? Is this a policy in Singapore? This reminds me of the restaurants’ little sign on the door: “No outside food or drinks allowed on this premises.” It sure sounds like that to me. And do note that he was still referring to my papers as ‘notes’. #-o

I insisted that I cannot see the point of the policy, and he ESCORTED me to the librarian. I explained the situation to her. I got in, finally.

It was the right place to do the grading, until this bunch of Chinese teenagers came in and sat right next to me, and chatted like nobody’s business. Now where on earth is that overly responsible security guard?

I left shortly. And I’m not coming back. Ever

A Wasteful Friday Night in Singapore

2007-02-23T23:29:00.000+08:00

I don’t do many late nights lately, but even when I only managed to leave my human workplace at about 9.30pm tonight, it was fine. Singapore isn’t big. It doesn’t take me a long time to get home. In no time, I will be sipping camomile and reading my book.

How wrong.

Only when I got off the bus, I realised that there is a parade on orchard road. I’ve been so busy today it totally skipped my mind.

Bugger.

Now I’m standing 500m from my doorstep but I just can’t get there. They’ve blocked up the whole road for the much talked-about Chingay Parade (don’t ask me what the hell that means, I have no freaking idea!), and I am on the wrong side of the road!

Bugger.

Plan B. I had to squeeze through the sweaty, smelly, cheering crowd, and walked a big circle around the event, finally away from the blocked area, and managed to get onto the right side of the road; only then I can start walking home – from almost the starting point. It is a humid evening.

I need water.
I need food.
I need a shower.
I need the loo!

Bugger.

Now I just feel like hitting someone - that someone who came up with this brilliant idea of a wasteful parade.

I finally reached home at 10.30pm. A whole hour for a less-than-2-mile distance!

Why do human have parades? The waste created just for the event is expectedly humongous – all those decorations on the parade vehicles, fireworks, etc. I often wonder how they handle the after-parade mess. The crowd create litters, water bottles, takeaway food and drink packages, straws, you name it. Just imagining the waste created is scary enough, not to mention the congestion caused by all that traffic diversion, which obviously create more pollution.

Another incomprehensible human act. Beats me.

Note: Sorry, no photos from the parade. I just couldn’t be bothered.

Smokers can quit being so generous

2007-02-23T17:38:00.000+08:00

Scenario 1
Some countries have totally banned smoking indoors, and some countries have done it partially. So you might be free from smoke in some restaurants, malls, pubs and offices, in some countries. So did the smokers go? Try all the entrances, exits, and corridors. Getting in and out of these places almost feels like you’re in a horror movie trying to get through a bunch of monsters or zombies – stretching their claws at you – before you can get in to the safe territory. And don’t forget to hold your breath too.

Scenario 2
When you think you could have a stroll to the office in the morning, and get some fresh air, chances are, you might have to walk behind some smoker(s) enjoying their air-polluting morning ritual. What’s worse, they usually share at least half the journey with you, walk just fast enough so that you can’t overtake them and just slow enough to stay close to you.

Scenario 3
It’s never a nice thing queuing at the bus stop, whatever weather. But someone will have to come standing right next to you, constantly blowing smoke in your face. But if you ever reveal the slightest dislike, you would be accused of discriminating. So much for human rights, huh!

Scenario 4
You can ignore strangers who smoke, glare at them, or deliberately move away from them. Friends or associates who smoke are most intolerable. They want to, have to, need to smoke. You can’t choose not to sit next to them, because you will be deemed anti social, and INCONSIDERATE! After all, what are friends for? Perhaps we ought to cheerfully accept the free smoke they generously grant us. They won’t die if they don’t smoke, but we would if they do. So why don’t they have some mercy on their friend’s poor little respiratory system here?

Truth is

Legally, they have ‘the rights’ to smoke anywhere they like as long as there isn’t a ‘no smoking’ sign. But they do not have the rights to take the oxygen away from me. I do have the rights to the air I’m breathing, too. Don’t we all?

I get smokers telling me that all these rules are making them feel isolated and discriminated, and I have also seen some very ‘humane’ people wrote that “smokers are human too, please let them smoke indoor again” (in other words, get back in there and suffocate those who do not smoke because you bloody have the rights!). Look, no one forced them into it, nor are they born to be smokers. It is their choice. My fault eh?

Another question is: If they have ‘the rights’ to contaminate the air (a.k.a. an essential to stay alive) we breathe in, don’t we have the rights to at least decide not to like what they are doing to us? Do we have to give in and let them do so just because they are – biologically – human too? If that’s the case, we non-smokers are human too. But why can’t we have the rights to preserve our life support essential?

Global warming is already a huge enough problem we have to deal with, we certainly do not need these jokers to further destroy what we have left. And says who the amount of cigarettes being burnt each day has nothing to do with global warming? No wonder more and more people prefer to stay indoors nowadays.

Not allowing them to smoke indoor is definitely not a solution. Why can’t there be specially allocated smoking rooms? So these smokers can just go in there, look really ‘cool’ (oh yes they surely think so) and puff each other to heaven! I have absolutely no issue with that!

Do we have to put up with it and pretend that we love it? NO! If we have to be kind to their feelings, why can’t they have a thought about our suffering? We are not demanding them to give it up for us. All we ask is for them to be a little more considerate. And when it’s your friend who is doing that to you, it’s even more unforgivable. Believe me, smokers don’t care if you are the love of their life.

Holding our grudge and giving way to smokers intruding our daily lives are short-term solutions. How much longer can you bottle up and suffer? So stop being pretentious and start expressing your true feelings towards the issue. Because - we maybe be non-human but we bloody HAVE THE RIGHTS too!

And all smokers can stop being so generous – thanks, but no thanks. Really.

Chinese New Year in Singapore (3rd Day)

2007-02-20T10:35:00.000+08:00

It’s the third day of Chinese New Year. People are coming out from their homes like ants from their hill. I have gone in to a couple of bistros and decided to leave, because they failed to serve me after 10 minutes. Can’t really blame them – it’s the crowd that has really put me off.

Although this efficiently built concrete country in the city has one of the most affordable and reliable public transport system, limited land in Singapore has also restricted the residents here in terms of places to visit especially on holidays and weekends. In fact what it has to offer, are all sorts of shopping mall. Almost every shopping mall provides the need for international labels (DKNY, Gucci, etc), international food (Starbucks, McDonald’s, etc), and international entertainment (Cineplex with large number of theatres). Culturally, in human society, it is a good thing to be able to get access to international products.

So where can the residents go on a day off like this? The shopping mall, of course! So prepare for crowd, queues, noise and body odour due to close contact. I finally found a bistro that is not crowded, had some breakfast, and wrote this. Just when I thought I can have some peace for the rest of the afternoon, this Chinese man next to me started to yak on the mobile phone on the top of his lungs. Next, some attention grabbing young adults at another table as usual, screaming for no reason. Even my full-blasted music cannot conceal it. I gave up and headed home.On my way home, I came across this peculiar crowd outside of the Singapore Istana (The Palace). There is a long, zig-zag queue at the main gate. Reason: unknown. But you can take a look at the photos I managed to take with my humble, little mobile phone. (Note: the red arrow points to a long queue that is not captured by the viewfinder. And I apologise for the rather poor quality, as I do not own a high end camera phone.)

Chinese New Year in Singapore

2007-02-19T11:45:00.000+08:00

This Chinese New Year, I must have been crowned the most ungrateful child in the family. Reason being, I am 397 km, 10-hour train ride, 5-hour coach ride, 45-minute air travel, away from home. It seems absolutely no reason why I’m not going home for the Lunar New Year celebration.

BUT. There are:

1. I’m in a teaching job that requires me to make up for any lecture I missed due to holidays. So taking extra days off work just isn’t worth it. I will have to go back to work facing an unnecessary load of work.

2. The Singapore-Malaysia causeway is a hell on earth during weekends, especially festive and holiday seasons.

3. The train station is highly inaccessible, and the KTM online ticketing service is forever down. After all, the train tickets are sold out eons ago.

4. Flight tickets and the Singapore airport tax are frighteningly expensive.

SO. I decided to stay and have a quiet New Year, on my own. Boohoo…

It’s not exactly my first time of spending Chinese New Year away from home. I spent the last three in England. But, it was cold and breezy, and nice (and yes, I love the cool weather. I’m not a ‘trendy’ person and have never bought into the “sun, sea, and sand are paradise” notion sold by magazines and bikini designers. And yes, I’m boring - whatever). All businesses were open as usual besides Chinese takeaways, but who cares? I do my own cooking anyway. And it was university term time so one of my favourite spots, the library, was open. Plus, I was with my earth boyfriend D (not sure if he is one of us - we never talked about it), minus the hassles from my own family (hehehe).

SO. My first Chinese New Year in Singapore. It is a totally new experience. It is a Chinese dominated country so hardly anything is open for business on the first day of Chinese New Year, except for a handful of western food outlets and cafés. But it is quiet for once.

Still, I would rather stay in if I had a choice. That way I don’t have to put up with the expensive but choking perfume from the woman sitting at the next table, or the lame music (or worse, Celine Dion or Modern Talking) they play at the outlet, and the hot sun while walking from one place to another. But the fact that I am only renting an extremely expensive room in an apartment shared with five other [rather messy] people, I can’t bear to do any cooking in that filthy and less than equipped kitchen so I have to eat out.

Out of no choice, I was out again on the second day. When I walked in to Cold Storage supermarket, it was surprisingly peaceful with some mellow sounding French ballads playing in the air. Absolutely refreshing (not a common scene in Singapore, must be some French product promotion going on) compared to those days prior to the Chinese New Year. It was then blasted with horrible sounding, cheesy Chinese-New-Year-theme songs. I had to have my MP3 plugged in on full blast, constantly. When I say Chinese-New-Year-theme songs, I meant nothing like the traditional Chinese classical music, but the highly commodified modern songs written for Chinese New Year, sung by commercial singers who can’t sing to save their lives, or worse, by some Singapore MediaCorp “artistes” (so-called actors and actresses from Singapore TV broadcast company).

They say, you have to have these songs to project the Chinese-New-Year-mood, I heard a man saying that on the news, when interviewed. The tradition is in me. I do not need some so-called Chinese-New-Year-music to get me in the mood. When one’s siblings come home to reunite, he or she should feel that mood automatically. Moderate festive decoration is nice, but do we need to fill the whole house with everything red? An exceptionally better-than-usual meal is great, when you can enjoy them with the whole family. But do we need to absolutely have that “latest must-have reunion set meal designed just for 2007, the year of the boar”, which comes with abalone, scallops, oysters and whatsoever unnecessarily expensive ingredients that will boost nothing but our poor egos, as advertised in the media?

Oh yes, we MUST. And the merchants win again.

Valentine’s Daze

2007-02-14T21:11:00.000+08:00

Oh no, it’s Valentine’s Day! I’m going to be so sad this Valentine’s Day because my boyfriend is not in the same country as I am, so how am I going to be seen sitting prettily in a pomsy restaurant, at the rows of tables (scattered with rose petals, mind you!) in a uniform manner, together with other [human] couples, waiting to be served the “Specially Designed, Valentine’s Romantic Meal”? *

Does this mean I won’t be able to strut my Valentine’s gifts to other girls on the street?
Does this mean I would be deemed as some pathetic, sad git no one loves?

Oh no, this is going to be a disaster!

Oh no no no, I CANNOT spend Valentine’s Day without these highly in-demand, love-symbolising things:

Red roses – that cannot be grown in hot weather, but have to be flown in from thousands of miles away, creating tonnes of carbon emission – that are the symbol of luuuurve. And don’t forget the use of pesticides.
Chocolates – those individually packed in silver or gold foils, placed in a plastic tray, then into a heart-shaped red velvet box, filled with colourful confetti, sealed with transparent cover, and then wrapped in red transparent wrapper, decorated with pink ribbons – which taste I don’t even like.
Jewellery – those heart-shaped diamante necklaces, or bracelets, or diamond ring – which have brought misery to the people in many countries with diamond mines.
Valentine's Card - that definitely has to be sent to me before or on the day, preferably with very touchy lovey-dovey writing done by very popular and famous card manufacturer, that would go in the bin the day after - which I totally cannot see the point!

How sweet. How SPECIAL.

But I got something better. A Care2 E-card from D awaits me in my email inbox, and a phone call from 6000 miles away.

* That is what I saw when I passed by a restaurant this evening. This is only one of the many restaurants in Singapore.

My horoscope says… buy this ring

2007-02-03T12:50:00.000+08:00

I was sitting at a café one day, flipping through some women’s magazine, and came across a horoscope section that gives an overview on love, life, and career, and what’s more – advice on THE jewellery each zodiac needs. To quote them:

“Earthy and grounded, yet sensual and pleasure-seeking, the Taurus woman will love the concentrated bling of diamonds and the luxury of white gold of this XYZ diamond ring, $628.”
[In a corner: picture of the ring and credits, “Brought to you by So-And-So Jeweller”]

Awww… how right they are about me! And I’ve definitely got to rush down to that particular jeweller and grab that ring, haven’t I? That’s gotta be specially made for us Taureans!

But… there is one problem. I don’t even like diamonds, and I don’t have a habit of wearing rings.

I want to laugh. And I want to cry – for those who may have really gone down to the jeweller and bought that “special jewellery that is meant for them”.

I have no problem with horoscope prediction. I do that from time to time, for the fun of it, but have never let it affect my action and reaction. But a horoscope that tells you exactly which piece of accessory you must wear? Yeah right, so all Taureans must wear that XYZ diamond ring? Hmmm… interesting. The next time I’m out, I shall spot a Taurean with that ring.

I won’t be surprised that some – if not most – of the readers have made that jeweller rich this year, after reading that horoscope section. What puzzles me is how human need to be told what to have in their lives. They probably do. What to eat, what to wear, what colour skin they should have. That explains the existence of programmes such as You Are What You Eat, What Not To Wear, etc.

Horoscope in itself is a mystically beautiful art form that involves studying the ever-changing but eternal galaxy, and how the universe affects earth and its inhabitants, both physically and emotionally. But a horoscope that ties up with a jeweller to help advertise their jewelleries? Get real!

Too old-fashioned to use porcelain and glassware?

2007-01-27T12:12:00.000+08:00

Serving food and drink in porcelain or glassware was a natural thing to do. They are durable (if you don't break them), do not release poison under high heat, and are washable - so that you can keep reusing them until you break, or chip them. But since when have we discarded that practice and opted for non-reusable tableware?

I guess I can accept someone arguing that they ‘need’ a non-reusable plastic cup for their takeaway drinks, but to serve drinks in that to a dine-in customer? Beats me.

Can someone tell me the point of that, please? Here in Singapore, I am sitting at a table in a restaurant, stationary. Yet, when my drink came, it was in a disposable plastic cup, complete with sealed cover, and a straw strike through it.

They must have heard me wrongly, and thought that I wanted it to go. So I asked them.

They said: No, it’s not a mistake. That’s how we serve drinks here.
But I am sitting down, not walking around or jumping around with the drink in my hand. Why do I need it sealed, plus a straw?
That’s how we serve drinks here.
But I don’t even need a straw. I can drink from the cup. I’m way passed the sippy-cup training stage.
That’s how we serve drinks here.
Can I request for my drinks to be served in normal cups?
That’s how we serve drinks here.

WRONG. The right answer is: "we are too bloody lazy that we can’t be bothered to do ‘unnecessary’ washing up. Traditional reusable tableware is too much a hassle, and doesn't solve our lazy problem. And we do not welcome freaks like you."

I now check with the food outlet’s serving method before I commit to any purchase. Yes I may be an unwelcome freak, but I managed to slow down the process of adding on more unnecessary waste to landfill, slowly but surely.

Best Retail Service in Singapore, and the world we live in

2007-01-17T12:11:00.000+08:00

Character #1: Shop cashier
Character #2: Customer

Act 1
Scene 1: Present time in a bakery, somewhere in Singapore. A customer picks up some pastries and proceeds to the checkout counter.

Shop cashier: [No greetings whatsoever, but like a robot, one hand automatically grabs each piece of pastry and shoves it into a small plastic bag grabbed simultaneously by the other hand.]
Customer: [Shocked and anxiously] No! Please, can you put everything into just one bag?
Shop cashier: [Looks as if she suddenly realised that the customer is another human being, and doubtfully] How would that fit? (Note: her hands have not completely stopped grabbing and shoving yet)
Customer: [Annoyed too but tried to be calm] Yes, it will, if you were to place them all in a bigger bag.
Shop cashier: [Even more annoyed, and thinks that the customer is nuts. Picks up another bigger bag and place the rest of the pastries into it, extremely unwillingly]
Customer: [Puzzled by the cashier’s irritation] And I don’t need a carrier bag.
Shop cashier: [Obviously bewildered] Huh?
Customer: [Quickly took the packed pastries from the counter, and paid for the purchase] That will do, thank you very much. [Exit]

Everything is back to normal operating mode. One bag per pastry, plus a carrier bag. Everyone’s happy.

[End of Act 1]

That, is a typical scene I normally encounter - or rather, create - while shopping in Singapore, especially while buying pastries. Shopping here in Asia is indeed a battle. I often find myself at the brink of having a fight with the cashiers, just because they are always mysteriously not willing to let me NOT waste a bag. Hence, I usually have to raise my voice, because they are so quick in shoving things into bags, and are so hypnotised by the routine they almost can’t hear me.

These workers are so mechanically trained that they will automatically, speedily shove every single item you have on the tray, into separate plastic bags. So fast that it’s faster than you can even say “please have everything in one single bag”, or in the Asian way of communicating, “one bag enough!” or “no need bag!”

They are so mechanically programmed that when you interrupt them and give them a non-programmed instruction, they do not know how to react. And they simply cannot understand why on earth does someone not want many plastic bags, or any plastic bag. Plastic bags are darn good, are they not?

Now, I ensure that I tell them that or wave my own shopping bags in their face, before they can see what I am buying.

I still remember those good old days, when we had to bring along our own stainless steel containers to get takeaway food. There was minimal wastage, because nearly no bag was used. It was less costly, and probably more hygienic too.

But that’s all changed now. Thanks to the advancement of modern technology, the quality of modern human life is “improved” and “upgraded” tremendously. Earthlings now no longer need to do washing up after a takeaway meal. They can have all the disposable plastic bags or containers they want – to the extent of requesting separate containers or bags for each item they buy. But what’s wrong with placing all in one container? Well they surely have bloody good reasons not to:
1. They may have to consume one at a time, so that they can just dispose of the container or bag right away. Hassle free.
2. They may have bought, let’s say, different types of cakes. So it is utterly SENSIBLE to separate them, otherwise these different flavours are going to interfere with, and spoil each other’s taste. And that’s definitely not acceptable! How uncivilised! Bear in mind, these people often pride themselves as connoisseurs. As if.
3. It is ‘hygienic’.

Duh.

Exactly how hygienic is it to use these disposable containers? I really doubt it. Have you ever seen them being manufactured? The chemicals used to create the polymer that forms plastic, are undoubtedly harmful. The making of it definitely does not involve very hygienic procedures - the molds, the machines, the air and the floor of the factory - think about it.

Have u seen how they store these plastic or polystyrene cups and containers at the back of the shop? Well of course, if you just close your eyes and not look at it, it will be ok. I’m sure. But the next time you buy a very trendy cup of branded coffee, think.

At least if you use your own containers, you are dealing with the germs from your own body. You probably already have the immunity towards it, so why worry? We should really worry more about being too sanitised and sterilised nowadays.

Earth Celebrating 2007

2006-12-31T23:39:00.001+08:00

It is the last day of earth year – 2006. Earthlings’ are preparing to welcome 2007, the new year ahead.

Well, let’s see what’s new.

Millions of people are crowding around ‘happening’ places all over the world, watching the second hand on big giant clock ticks, and do count down. Sadly, what these earthlings do not know at this instance is, that they really are counting down to the end of their planet, sooner than later.

Fireworks! Yay! We had it last year, and the year before last, and the year before the year before last… but hey, we are having it like we’ve never had before! It’s bigger, more colourful, and surely, we are burning more of it. Let’s double… no, triple the amount. This way, even our neighbouring countries can see us, and be very jealous of us. And every country may wish to do the same. What’s the contribution of fireworks to mankind again?

Why can’t they have a peaceful New Year celebration, and pray for more surviving years for the planet?

Party time. It’s only trendy to be seen in a party on New Year’s Eve. There’s nothing wrong with having parties and a good time. But the wastage caused by these parties: thrown-away food, half drunk canned drinks, excessive consumption of alcohol and cigarettes, not to mention the noise pollution caused by loud music.

Capitalists are coming up with “new” ideas, to lure earthlings into more and more consumption: new design, new flavour, new style, new jewelleries, new everything – just for the sake of a new year. Unnecessary consumption.

But human beings need something, or someone to tell them what to do, including what to consume. Anything advertised through the media has gotta be good. Are they really the highest being on earth food chain?

Excessive consumption is definitely an on-going thing on earth, and capitalism and commodity are definitely here to stay. Trading environmental priority and humanity for economy achievements is nothing new. The planet Earth has a lifespan. Gaia has a limited resistance towards constant destruction. But these earthlings do not realise that.

Maybe. Just maybe – their subconscious knows it – that explains why they are celebrating and partying like there is no tomorrow.

Maybe. Just maybe – one day, they will come to their senses. And we shall all pray and hope. That is, after all, why we aliens are here.

Take me back to Eris

2006-12-21T12:24:00.002+08:00

I think I am one of those aliens stuck on earth. Actually, I know it.

We are put on earth to help earthlings face and get through the tragedies caused by their own destruction.

I have gone through earthling’s education system, learnt their languages and psychology, and got myself an earthly Masters and Degree titles.

We do not have super powers. Do not be deceived by those Sci-Fi movies and TV shows. But we are, of course, super capable. Multi-tasking and highly organised are just a couple of our many unearthly qualities, although some earthlings chose to call us anal. But how else do you think we did those crop circles in such a short time? We can see and sense what most earthlings cannot, due to our differently structured biological body, although reconstructed to look and function like earthlings’.

But believe me. Earthlings are hard work. Some can be so stupid and ignorant. They really are a patience-testing bunch. Through the years, some of us just simply couldn’t bear dealing with them. It’s no wonder why that painter who was labelled as a nutter, killed himself. Only then these earthlings worshipped his paintings and make big money out of them. Sigh…